High Expectations and Low Dedications

High Expectations and Low Dedications

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

Expectations, expectations,  expectations!  No matter how hard we try to avoid them,  we all have them.  Whether it’s for ourselves or others,  we place expectations. I, for one,  do my absolute best not to place expectations on another individual. But I will admit, recently I did. And needless to say that it ended on a very disappointing and disheartening note.


I was more disappointed in myself versus the one whom I  had placed the expectations on.
How foolish of me?  Especially when I know for a fact that we are all emotional creatures of habit.  And if a person has, for years, behaved in such a manner it’s difficult to transform  those habits.


Everyone doesn’t have the ability to dedicate themselves to set expectations. It’s not that they do not wish to,  just simply the fact that they cannot. For whatever reason.
Many times we just limit ourselves because we feel that a certain task may be too significant or too out of our league and feel we’re just not worthy.


Another thing is to not place high expectations on another if we ourselves cannot dedicate to it.e8b6430fd248f18bf89b4be9acb4b48e

So should we ever set expectations?  Of course!  I will advise to not set them too high because when yourself or another cannot meet them it feels like something is crashing down on your face… and the rest of your body.


How I feel after expectations are not met (see above pic).


  It’s damaging to self esteem to not to be able to have  full dedication to a high set expectation.funny-picture-kive-mcdonalds-realitythis-is-my-sad-face



I’m just speaking from a personal experience standpoint. It may not apply to all. It certainly applies to myself and other relationships I have been involved with from work relationships, family relationships to romantic relationships. Without these disappointments we truly cannot learn what it is that we truly want from ourselves or from others.


I would like to share a poem I wrote about 5 years ago called “Continue” . I titled it that due to the fact that regardless of whatever set expectations we may have placed on ourselves or others and was not fully dedicated…we have to keep on pushing in life. It just doesn’t stop due to a little failed expectation.


High expectations & low dedications

Theses are the things that we give one another

To deal with others

-Why bother?

No one can help

So to yourself you wept

To much energy exhausted into the abyss

The lesson to be learned——–>>>missed

So we continue to be———>>>pissed

Cause we failed to learn what WOULD, COULD, SHOULD be—–>>> bliss

Guess that is how it goes

So might as well wipe your eyes and blow your nose

Continue with the same pattern

Outcome you know what will happen

So don’t expect from others what you can’t obtain from self

No 1 can understand or comprehend for you what is best

—-but they still guess

And try to give you answers to your issues

—-But still yourself-your gift-you misuse

And miss clues

To the evident source of being

Which every second you SHOULD be agreeing

But you keep on disbelieving

—yourself—- you keep on misleading

Back to the same ol’ crying and grieving

When will you wake up?

When will you say ENOUGH!?

Its time to get tough

With this game of life get rough

Tackle it head first

If its truly victory that you thirst

But what is a victory if you have no goal?

What is gaining power without a soul?

So you just continue to grow old

Until your eyes will fold

To that—-That can’t be the end

So you will truly rise once again

& between you and your creator will make amends.


And Always Remember to…2012_07_love-quote-629543-480750-475-273

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

If at First you don’t Succeed…

If at First you don’t Succeed…

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

Maybe I am an undiagnosed mental patient?


I really had to just take a moment and laugh at the thought of me even asking that question.

But no, seriously, sometimes I feel like I am just one thought, one action, just one little tick away from being a mental patient and I know I can’t be the only one. I’m sure many others out there like myself feel the exact same way.


I think I would look pretty decent in an all white with multiple buckles ensemble. .. no?

So, how do I maintain? How do I seem to get up day in and day out and continue to put a smile on my face?

fake smile

I just wonder. We all know this life has meaning and in this life everybody has something that they have to endure. The struggle is on so many levels and having money is not going to make a difference in our true happiness nor having a certain type of car nor having a certain type of house. Happiness is a state of being. We all serve a purpose. No matter how insignificant we may think it is. I know people with many material possessions and they still wake up every day unhappy, just miserable. Life really is what you make it. We can choose to either make it great or we can choose to make it not so great. We can choose to laugh or we can choose to cry. This is our life…our moment…and it’s really and truly all about choice .



Granted there are many choices that I just wish I had not chosen because I feel like the outcome of those choices are not of  favorable desire. But at the end of the day it was, and is still my choice and I have to be held accountable and must take credibility for my actions no one else no one made me commit.



Not to mention with mistakes comes experience and we can only grow from experience. I honestly do not believe that I would be the passion filled person I am today if it weren’t for all of my numerous trials and errors.


Yes..Numerous. As in Plural.

But guess what? With all the mistakes that have been made its never too late to become and do better. Each day is a new day and with each new day it’s an opportunity to approach life a different way. It’s not an overnight process.


Just as long as it took you to get to your current circumstance it may take just as long to come out of it…maybe longer, maybe not. I believe it depends upon your willingness to strive and rise above to do better.1233955_633118003373295_1647177116_n

Take a moment to evaluate where you’re currently at in life on all levels…mental, physical, financial and spiritual (if you’re into all that). Are you happy? Do you feel that external possessions will make you happier? Often times we have an expectation of obtaining a certain object or becoming involved with a certain individual or obtaining a certain status and we believe that all will be well. As they say, “Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.”




Reality is forever present, and its a hard pill to swallow sometimes…however we can break it down and digest it into smaller pieces.big-pill-300x200



pillOnce Again…(Because sometimes things are best learned with repetition)…Just because you may have not started your regimen to do better today does not mean that you can’t try again tomorrow. A New Day can bring about a New Way.

Try again



And always Remember…


I don’t want nor do I need another J.O.B

I don’t want nor do I need another J.O.B

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

As my layoff from my 2 years of working in auto insurance nears (I will not disclose the company’s name at this time…cause I’m still working until this layoff, cause I want to ensure my severance pay is direct deposit.) I have come to a conclusion that I would rather jump off a 50 story building while holding a gun to my head, while I plummet to a solid concrete ground with giant chards of glass surrounded by under fed, starved, violent and ferocious lions waiting close by to eat my mangled body; rather than get another J.O.B.


Seriously.  No joke. Yep.  Cause to me going back will be the death of my freedom to express creatively. It would be the death of the spirit.  And plus I want to be sure to get the job done.  Ha!  I was one of the fortunate but unfortunate individuals to get caught up with customer service rep and sales rep on their resume.


Those who work customer service now or sales or collections can relate.  It’s a vicious cycle of employment to break. With these J.O.Bs it’s a gruesome duty to be polite and apologetic all day to everyone. .. Including assholes. What job is complete without those assholes?! Excuse my choice of words but I’m not sorry for saying it. I surely DO NOT APOLOGIZE.


Not to mention that it’s always a haggle and hassle to constantly watch the clock. And with me, being the person that I am, punctuality is my enemy. Then on top of that there are the countless technical difficulties that could not be explained. Then customers would constantly try countless ways to receive free or pay less for coverage. Then I also I deal with clueless agents whose job you have to do as well. BLAH….BLAH…BLAH…BLAH…AND SOME MORE BLAH…

images18I could go on about everything but who wants to read all that?

I don’t even want to write all that to be honest.

But back to the point of me writing this. *Sigh* I recall a very good friend of mine told me the acronym of J.O.B. The real meaning of it. My friend is now deceased for the past 4 years but I still hear his voice like he’s right next me. The acronym of JOB is just over broke.



That really resonated with me until this day as you’re reading this. As I reminisce my days of employment and also my days of unemployment from corporate I’ve come to feel my best unemployed. Yea I may not have a bi weekly income, but my outside expenses are not as great. It’s funny how we invest so many hours for a mediocre, sometimes grueling wage, and once we are paid we are too tired to enjoy it or we have many expenditures that must be paid.




This is not how I envisioned my life as a child.

I really have aspirations and dreams of becoming better and doing more. I have inspirations of becoming well off financially until I will be able to help and make others around me financially secure. Because with me working on someone else’s time is really limiting my income dramatically.

Plus, I enjoy the thought of me being completely free from someone else clock. I desire to enjoy every hour, minute and second of the day doing what I love to do freely and contribute something back to society at the same time.

I see others do it every day. I know I have the ability to accomplish that as well.

It’s not that I don’t like my co-workers…because I do. They’re great people. I just don’t enjoy the confinement and redundant tasks.

1920268_10204487196641829_146434961272246524_n This is me…with my head-shackle(headset).

This is How I see myself…but with a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in one hand and bag of weed in the other. HA HA HAaaa! (Don’t Judge me).

Girl-in-Field-With-Arms-SpreadAnyways…Aside from my long-term life goals. I just wish to live my life to the fullest with the talent I have been given. I wish to live my life. Not to just survive. I wish to be divine. To be divine is to be complete. The evil and the good.

Don’t Push me ’cause I’m close to the Edge!!

Don’t Push me ’cause I’m close to the Edge!!

To be Divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be both the good and the evil.

Don’t Push Me ‘Cause I’m close to The Edge. I’m Trying not to lose my head. We all have been there. You know, on the brink of destruction? The feeling of just wanting to cause much mayhem. Make those who are making our lives a little more difficult spontaneously combust with some sort of Jedi, telekinesis, Carrie rage type of deal. Yes, I’ve played the image of another’s head exploding with just the thought.


I know…that’s crazy right?? But I can admit! And that’s the first step.

The question is why do people behave like this? Why is it that when an individual is having a bad day they do their best to make someone else feel just as bad?


I’m an Empathetic person. Like to the extreme. If you are not aware of the term of the word empath I will tell you the common definition. An empath is a highly sensitive person who can feel the emotions of others. It’s like we know and have intuition about what an individual is experiencing. If you feel happy, we feel your joy, if you feel mad, we feel that anger, if you feel sadness we feel down. I wasn’t aware of this until I reached my mid 20’s .

I will admit, it is not a pleasant trait to have at times. Especially when you’re surrounded by people who experience ill and negative emotions. If you’re not aware of how to block this it can totally take over and consume your emotions to where you will react instead of having a sound mind to respond.


Back to the question…you thought I forgot? Why do people who are having a bad day try to make others around experience it? The question is simple you may think…Misery loves company. Of course!! They are just miserable human beings and have yet to fully understand the gift of life. That too, was my first thought. Oh just give them a slap or two and that will bring them back to their senses right? No?


Then I came to realize that everyone may not know how to express their feelings with the proper communication. But we think that since everyone has a voice and know how to speak, how is it that they just don’t simply say what is on their mind? That is because some people may not know how.


Communication is a skill that some go to school for. I didn’t go to school for it. So I had to learn how to properly communicate on my own trial and error. And I’ll admit too, I still experience trial and error until this very day. Because communication is a skill that we can always improve.


When a person has a bad day, they have many disagreements with others. Many times when two people have a disagreement they will have an argument, or as I like to call it, a debate. Many times when people are in disagreement they often do not fully listen to what the other is saying. All they can think about is their rebuttal to what the other is stating. As I’ve read somewhere, some only listen with the intention to reply, not to completely comprehend. Not to fully acknowledge the other individual and to come to a mutual compromise. Even it is just to agree to disagree.

Communication is a vital aspect in all relationships from the work place to your home life. Healthy relationships cannot survive with lack of communication or miscommunication. Lauryn Hill stated in her song “Lost Ones”, miscommunication can lead to complication. And that is precisely right.


When a person is not understood by others around them, especially family, it causes much feeling of discord within. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. We ALL have had our fair share of bad days. When we’re having a bad day, or any other type of day that is not pleasant, instead of just going berserk on others we should simply say “I am not having a good day.” That alone will give the other person more insight and it may lead to the question as to why the day is not so pleasant and it may even allow them to think of a resolve to make the day end on a better note.


I don’t know a human being walking that have all sunny days with rainbows made from skittles and everyone bringing you your favorite slice of cake. Oh how wonderful would that be? Awesome. Complete awesomeness. But it’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay that others around us are having a bad day. What I don’t think is okay is making your bad day become some else’s bad day. It’s okay to express, just be sure to communicate in a healthy way. bad-day-card11And if you’re on the receiving end of the one having a bad day, just listen without criticism. Offer solace. Let’s help not harm.

images3On your next bad day remember…

We are not perfect beings. We are divine beings. To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be both good and evil.

Don’t Stress the Stress

Don’t Stress the Stress

To be divine is to be whole.  To be whole is to be both good and evil.  What some call the yin and the yang. Life is not always on the up and up. There’s always a down moment.  I don’t care who you are what you do where you’re from who you know or who knows you.  We all have been there. .. Still may be there. Hopefully, we pick ourselves back up and don’t stay down.  For recent example (may his spirit be free and at peace), great artist and comedian. .. Robin Williams.  He brought so much joy to the world around him but could not completely enjoy it.  It was something seriously stressing him. There are also those individuals who inflict bodily harm not only on themselves but others as well. So what is the definition of stress?

Google defines it as:

1.pressure or tension exerted on a material object.
The degree of pressure exerted on a material object measured in units of force per unit area.
2. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. “he’s obviously under a lot of stress”
synonyms: strain, pressure, (nervous) tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty; informal hassle
“he’s under a lot of stress”
something that causes mental strain.
plural noun: stresses
“the stresses and strains of public life”
3. particular emphasis or importance.
“he has started to lay greater stress on the government’s role in industry”images1
There is much meaning to the word stress.
However, I will only speak of mental health as well as physical and spiritual.
Stress is not all bad.  After all, some things of importance should cause a little motivational stress. We should stress the importance of ensuring our well being in relation to knowing how to self maintain and if there are loved ones, the care of them as well.
There’s also the placing of priority of financial stance. Are you an adult that can maintain and budget your money? There’s being physically attuned in relation to diet and exercise. How do you feel physically right now at this moment?   Emotional and social as is having healthy relationships that will help you maintain as you progress. How is the relationship between you and others?  How well and do you get along?
And most importantly spirit.  If you were to die today would you close your eyes with happy memories?
Yes, stress can kill in more ways than one.

goodgriefWake up call too early?


Common external causes of stress

  • Major life changes
  • Work or school
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Financial problems
  • Being too busy
  • Children and family

imagesCommon internal causes of stress

  • Chronic worry
  • Pessimism
  • Negative self-talk
  • Unrealistic expectations/Perfectionism
  • Rigid thinking, lack of flexibility
  • All-or-nothing attitude

My request to you is to sit back and look at your world. Look at those who surround you, the position you’re in at work or just in general. What would you like to be improved or different?  We can’t control everything. No.  But we can control self. How do we look at things? How we respond to people and situations instead of just reacting? Our perspective to what we see things as is, is what we cause stress to.
How do you see your life?
Better yet, how would you like to see it as? And to get there is your current method working?

stressed1 This Stress Reduction Kit may or may not help….

Well, don’t stress the stress.  There are many ways to cope.  Just Google stress and do your research. Go to counseling.  Express it with someone you trust. This site is a great place to start: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm

Recognition is vital and action to improve is required. Life is a journey. We live and we learn. All things must grow or die. Sun rises and sun sets. Nothing is permanent. No one is perfect, no matter their exterior appearance.

We are all divine beings. The good and the evil.  The yin and the yang.