Monthly Archives: October 2014

If at First you don’t Succeed…

If at First you don’t Succeed…

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

Maybe I am an undiagnosed mental patient?


I really had to just take a moment and laugh at the thought of me even asking that question.

But no, seriously, sometimes I feel like I am just one thought, one action, just one little tick away from being a mental patient and I know I can’t be the only one. I’m sure many others out there like myself feel the exact same way.


I think I would look pretty decent in an all white with multiple buckles ensemble. .. no?

So, how do I maintain? How do I seem to get up day in and day out and continue to put a smile on my face?

fake smile

I just wonder. We all know this life has meaning and in this life everybody has something that they have to endure. The struggle is on so many levels and having money is not going to make a difference in our true happiness nor having a certain type of car nor having a certain type of house. Happiness is a state of being. We all serve a purpose. No matter how insignificant we may think it is. I know people with many material possessions and they still wake up every day unhappy, just miserable. Life really is what you make it. We can choose to either make it great or we can choose to make it not so great. We can choose to laugh or we can choose to cry. This is our life…our moment…and it’s really and truly all about choice .



Granted there are many choices that I just wish I had not chosen because I feel like the outcome of those choices are not of  favorable desire. But at the end of the day it was, and is still my choice and I have to be held accountable and must take credibility for my actions no one else no one made me commit.



Not to mention with mistakes comes experience and we can only grow from experience. I honestly do not believe that I would be the passion filled person I am today if it weren’t for all of my numerous trials and errors.


Yes..Numerous. As in Plural.

But guess what? With all the mistakes that have been made its never too late to become and do better. Each day is a new day and with each new day it’s an opportunity to approach life a different way. It’s not an overnight process.


Just as long as it took you to get to your current circumstance it may take just as long to come out of it…maybe longer, maybe not. I believe it depends upon your willingness to strive and rise above to do better.1233955_633118003373295_1647177116_n

Take a moment to evaluate where you’re currently at in life on all levels…mental, physical, financial and spiritual (if you’re into all that). Are you happy? Do you feel that external possessions will make you happier? Often times we have an expectation of obtaining a certain object or becoming involved with a certain individual or obtaining a certain status and we believe that all will be well. As they say, “Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.”




Reality is forever present, and its a hard pill to swallow sometimes…however we can break it down and digest it into smaller pieces.big-pill-300x200



pillOnce Again…(Because sometimes things are best learned with repetition)…Just because you may have not started your regimen to do better today does not mean that you can’t try again tomorrow. A New Day can bring about a New Way.

Try again



And always Remember…



I don’t want nor do I need another J.O.B

I don’t want nor do I need another J.O.B

To be divine is to be whole. To be whole is to be complete, the evil and the good.

As my layoff from my 2 years of working in auto insurance nears (I will not disclose the company’s name at this time…cause I’m still working until this layoff, cause I want to ensure my severance pay is direct deposit.) I have come to a conclusion that I would rather jump off a 50 story building while holding a gun to my head, while I plummet to a solid concrete ground with giant chards of glass surrounded by under fed, starved, violent and ferocious lions waiting close by to eat my mangled body; rather than get another J.O.B.


Seriously.  No joke. Yep.  Cause to me going back will be the death of my freedom to express creatively. It would be the death of the spirit.  And plus I want to be sure to get the job done.  Ha!  I was one of the fortunate but unfortunate individuals to get caught up with customer service rep and sales rep on their resume.


Those who work customer service now or sales or collections can relate.  It’s a vicious cycle of employment to break. With these J.O.Bs it’s a gruesome duty to be polite and apologetic all day to everyone. .. Including assholes. What job is complete without those assholes?! Excuse my choice of words but I’m not sorry for saying it. I surely DO NOT APOLOGIZE.


Not to mention that it’s always a haggle and hassle to constantly watch the clock. And with me, being the person that I am, punctuality is my enemy. Then on top of that there are the countless technical difficulties that could not be explained. Then customers would constantly try countless ways to receive free or pay less for coverage. Then I also I deal with clueless agents whose job you have to do as well. BLAH….BLAH…BLAH…BLAH…AND SOME MORE BLAH…

images18I could go on about everything but who wants to read all that?

I don’t even want to write all that to be honest.

But back to the point of me writing this. *Sigh* I recall a very good friend of mine told me the acronym of J.O.B. The real meaning of it. My friend is now deceased for the past 4 years but I still hear his voice like he’s right next me. The acronym of JOB is just over broke.



That really resonated with me until this day as you’re reading this. As I reminisce my days of employment and also my days of unemployment from corporate I’ve come to feel my best unemployed. Yea I may not have a bi weekly income, but my outside expenses are not as great. It’s funny how we invest so many hours for a mediocre, sometimes grueling wage, and once we are paid we are too tired to enjoy it or we have many expenditures that must be paid.




This is not how I envisioned my life as a child.

I really have aspirations and dreams of becoming better and doing more. I have inspirations of becoming well off financially until I will be able to help and make others around me financially secure. Because with me working on someone else’s time is really limiting my income dramatically.

Plus, I enjoy the thought of me being completely free from someone else clock. I desire to enjoy every hour, minute and second of the day doing what I love to do freely and contribute something back to society at the same time.

I see others do it every day. I know I have the ability to accomplish that as well.

It’s not that I don’t like my co-workers…because I do. They’re great people. I just don’t enjoy the confinement and redundant tasks.

1920268_10204487196641829_146434961272246524_n This is me…with my head-shackle(headset).

This is How I see myself…but with a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in one hand and bag of weed in the other. HA HA HAaaa! (Don’t Judge me).

Girl-in-Field-With-Arms-SpreadAnyways…Aside from my long-term life goals. I just wish to live my life to the fullest with the talent I have been given. I wish to live my life. Not to just survive. I wish to be divine. To be divine is to be complete. The evil and the good.